Beware the 7 deadly housemate sins

Let’s get real – immoralities can creep into the shared house. Best keep an eye out for the tell-tale signs before you commit to the ‘perfect’ housemates.

Nobody’s perfect. Isn’t that what Jessie J said?

But when choosing your next housemates, it’s essential to find people who do not leave skid marks, do not sleep with your partner and do not eat your ice-cream without permission.

Here are seven deadly sins to look out for in your quest to find the right people to live with.

SLOTH: No one wants to live with a sloth

Unfortunately, this is not in reference to the adorable creature found in the Americas. You could almost forgive that snuggly mammal for leaving hairs on the toilet seat.

No – this type of sloth does leave hairs on the toilet seat… and in the shower… and in the sink… and bloody everywhere!

But that’s not the worst. They leave a trail of destruction behind them wherever they go: dirty bolognese dishes, last week’s undies in the laundry, nail clippings on the coffee table … and although you dare not go near the lair, there is a distinct whiff emanating from the door.

This is the most common sin of all.

WRATH: Judge the grudge

Let’s face it – living on top of each other will spawn the odd hissy fit. You’re going to incur the wrath of a housemate at some point.

Keep an eye out for body language and early signs of irritability. Short fuses can lead to uncomfortable living, especially if the hothead holds a grudge.

You’re in the same boat and everybody has to be forgiving of idiosyncrasies. You may soon realise just how tolerant mum was!

There will always be one rabble-raiser. Just make sure they have a sense of humour and you have artillery to get them off the soapbox.

ENVY: The green-eyed monster

Okay, this is a tricky one. Your partner is clearly hotter than your housemate’s. Will they be able to deal with that?

This is an ugly little sin that will take some time to manifest, but you might be able to catch a glimpse of envy before making any commitment.

Are they looking at your watch for a little too long? Does your last cookie attract a little too much attention? Are they ‘wel-jel’ at your uber-everything?

Don’t shy away from your proudest assets – see if the monster rears its head on first meeting.

PRIDE: Are they flaunting it a bit too much?

We’re all for having pride in what you do, why you do it and how you do it… but don’t bang on about it.

How many times do they talk about their fitbit^® score? How many times to they mention how amaze-balls they are, their job is, or their partner is?

More than five unwarranted outbursts of pride in an hour, and get out of there as quickly as you can.

Everybody should be proud of their achievements in life, but modesty goes a long way.

LUST: It’s a dirty bird that fouls its own nest

Dial down the lust – it’s your housemate. Or even worse, it’s your housemate’s partner!

Unless it’s truly love, not lust, the recommendation is not to sleep with your housemate. The repercussions will not be worth it.

One party will become more involved… accusations will be thrown around… your sexual relations will be talk of the tower… other housemates will get annoyed (especially if you are loud)… and it will end in the break-up of the house.

Also, be careful not to bring home a different partner EVERY night you go out. If you must give in to lust a little too regularly, perhaps mix it up and tell your housemates you stayed at a friend’s house.

Getting the eyes before even agreeing to move in? Either make a choice between roof-over-head and fun-in-bed. Or embellish your latest fling. Alternatively say thanks, but no thanks.

GLUTTONY: Binge addict?

A little of everything in moderation. Even Game of Thrones.

Whether it is booze… sex… potato cakes… Collingwood Grand Final replays… or Pokémon Go… gluttony is not endearing. Especially when it culminates in vomiting all over your shared bathroom.

Resist the temptation to overindulge. It’s not big, it’s not clever and it certainly won’t win you any fans at home. Remember the bit about pride? Yeah – that’s very much at stake here.

If you want respect, keep your insatiable habits under control.

Spotting irrepressible gluttony in others – again it boils down to the cookie test. How many of that packet did they munch through in your 30-minute chat?

GREED: It starts with cookies…

It starts with cookies… it ends with dough ($).

Now we are not saying that gluttony and its far-more-evil sibling, greed, come hand in hand… but keep an eye on the greed machine. It’s infectious.

If people start worrying about grabbing the room with the extra square metre… or start picking peanuts out of utility bills… it could be greed.

Early signs can materialise in obsessions with money or wages, or never paying for take-away coffees. Before you know it, your leftover pizza has vanished.

Okay… so that’s what not to look for

Now we’ve purged ourselves with that long and revolting list, here is the remedy.

Within a minute of watching Real Estate Tube videos, you’ll have an idea as to who is clear of the deadly sins and who can’t keep their hands off your ice-cream tub.